Happiness

I’m realizing that I have less doubt about what I can do as a dancer. I used to worry all the time about being too old and running out of time. I now believe I have all the time in the world and nothing to prove. I dance fabulously and although that’s just my opinion, it’s a very important opinion. Actually the most important. And I am happy.

I wrote that 8 years ago on my Mabuhay ang Dance/Blog on blogspot. It was about roles I was getting at that time, because this was the part about my dancing that made me miserable, that I was not getting enough roles. Ah, I was so young then. In this blog post, I was doing corps work in the Nutcracker and realized that I didn’t care that I was doing Waltz of the Flowers because I loved dancing it so much. Read the full post here.

I share this now because I read it again today. I was trying to remember what year I started my Master’s, and thought the info was in my old blog (it wasn’t), and just happened upon this blog entry. Then I thought of sharing it because, opportunely, Philippine Ballet Theatre is presenting the Nutcracker this weekend. Tickets are sold out so I’m not really pushing the show, but after seeing the rehearsal, I’m reminded why I loved dancing the Nutcracker, and why I love dance (period). I told Mikah this and he said, “I don’t understand why you forget,” since he always knows that music makes him happy. But I think these days, I’ve been taking dance and dancing for granted. I mean, I know it makes me happy, but when I’m actually in it and happy is something else entirely.

This photo is from that show that I talked about rehearsing for in the blog post, an outdoor outreach show at the Quezon City Circle for Quezon City’s children. Trixie posted this on her facebook and a bunch of us dancers discussed how our eyes were closed, which meant we were so enraptured in waltz-of-the-flowers happiness. Aside from the part with the boys, this is my favorite part of this dance.

That’s me behind the thing that’s in front of Trixie’s dad, who’s taking the picture. Trixie is to my left.

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