Pictures of me

Day 5 of #500HappyMikahDays

Mikah loves taking pictures of me, and we would joke that his real dream was to become a fashion photographer – not that he really wanted to be one, but when he took photos of me, he would harass me into posing. And I hate posing. He would  point out pictures of other people who were posing, and say, “Why can’t you do that?”

This email he sent was a photo he took of me while waiting for our food in Wingman, in Makati. If you’re friends with me on Facebook, you can tell which photo this is; it has been my profile pic on more than one occasion. The exchange after he sent this never fails to make me smile.

wingman email

Is the #100HappyDays meme supposed to be everyday? I don’t think I can commit to every day, I have too many things to do. But I’ll try to post up a day as often as I can.

The point of this is for me to remember Mikah fondly and to stop being so angry at him, to stop feeling so lost about the pointlessness of his death. I know I will meet somebody I will love maybe as much, but I will not be using that person to replace who Mikah was in my life. I will love that person differently, as he deserves. These 500 days will remind me of my capacity to give and receive love and remind me to know when it’s real and when somebody’s just blowing smoke up my ass. My happy memories of Mikah will help me move on with my life, and to stop regretting all the would have, should have, could have beens.

I know what Mikah and I had is over. But I still want to remember him, the good he brought out in me, the good I brought out in him. Thank you for letting me share this.

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